Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Its over. Its finally over, the PROMOS i mean.
I will not say what i got, its unsatisfactory to me.
Not up to my expectations at all.
But its over, thats that. But i'm not writing today, to complain about my day or to bitchslap anybody. i've decided to write a little descriptive/ narrative.
It's nothing fancy, but just tell me how it goes and how i can improve on what i write.
Untitled
Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter.
It was hard to see anything in this rain, combined with the fog that lay over the village. It made seeing anything substantial almost impossible.
The sun barely pierced the impermeable gloom, giving the sky a reddish tint, almost hinting at the impending doom that was to fall over the valley.
I felt their presence, their taint stunk the air. The nesh-sheclare was coming, coming for the boy. The Demon Child. The boy born with a mix heritage of fire and death kam. His mother, a black robed priestess at the temple of death, and his father, a red master at the temple of fire.
The boy was an abomination. But it was not his fault, that he had sucuumbed to the teasings and bullying of the village children and had finally lost control, summoning a thietyr, a high ranking demon from hell, which fancies itself a whip with wicked barbs at the end.
The boy had stood there in the village square, in horror of the demon which proceeded to twirl and snap its whip at the scampering, screaming children. But luckily, his parents had managed to send it back, but that was not before the thietyr had successfully whip the heads off a few unlucky villagers.
That was the kind of power the nesh-sheclare were after. Destructive power, able to conquer more lands and ultimately turn the whole of Eldor into their utopia of shadows.
But that was not going to happen, unless i reached the child first.
I strode down the hill towards the village, my dark cloak brushing the ground, with its hood pulled up over my head, protecting me from the perpetual rain. The grave silence of the village unerved me. Upon entering, i could see that almost all the houses were boarded up, but the inn for one thing, still had glow of candlelight peeking from the holes of its windows and boards. But the crater in the middle of the village was what drew my eye. That must be where the thietyr had emerged from. A streak of lightning flashed across the sky, brightening the village square.
A boy runs across the square into the inn. I knew it, he was still here. The Demon Child. I must get to him before the nesh-sheclare do.
I run towards the inn but do not burst through the door, i hold out my hand and whisper a word of truth, light i call upon. A golden ball that exhumes light grows and enlarges itself until it fits snugly in my palm. I bring up my hand, shedding light on my chiselled features, illuminating my golden eyes. I push the oak door open, anticipating the welcoming heat of a fire, and the smell of good food, but that never came. The inn was as empty as the rest of the ghost town.
A faint snarl and the patter of feet could be heard in the distance. They were here. The nesh-sheclare. I cursed softly at myself, i knew i wasn't going to be able to take on all of them, the nesh-sheclare and their army as well, so i had better find the child quick. I whispered the word of truth for trap and lightning, bringing another of the glowing globes to formation and flung it at the front door. The orb did not explode upon contact but had instead absorbed itself into the door, making the door glow for a moment, before the glow faded away. I turn away from the door, and start running up the stairs up to the rooms of the inn.
" Boy! Boy! Come out! We have to leave... Now!" I whisper furiously.
The hall only returned silence to my whisper. Outside, i could hear the arrival of the horde. I whisper the words of illumination and discernment, bringing another golden glowing orb to form. The boy, i want to see the boy, i visualise him. The cropped red hair, with his wide black eyes. He appears in the orb, crouched in the corner of a room, his eyes wide with fear, knowing the nesh-sheclare had already come for him, to take him away. I widen the field of sight in the globe, he was in the third room on the left of the hallway.
I hurry, striding towards the door, snuffing out both orbs. I push the door open slowly, not wanting to frighten the boy. I see him in the corner, and step towards him cautiously. The child regards me with fear, and huddles up to the wall. I must seem imposing, with my dark cloak and my hood over my head, shrouding my face from sight. I pull my hood back, unveiling my tanned skin and honeyed hair, as if the sun had splashed it with its colour. My caramel, deep set eyes, that pierced the soul, strong nose and full mouth. The boy uncurls himself, but still pressed close to the wall, his eyes now wary of me.
" Boy, i'm Divinal and i have come to save you," I introduce myself, " But now is not the time to explain who am I, the nesh-sheclare are here and we have to leave, now!"
I must have convinced him as he takes a tentative step towards me. But he tries to dash out past me towards the door, i catch the collar of his green tunic and haul him in front of me. But then he procedes to lash out at my stomach with his fists, in which i restrain both his hands in a grip and twist. He struggles helplessly, trying to free his hands. " Stop it!" I snap. The child stops, i must sound too harsh.
I kneel down,bringing myself on eye level with the boy.
" If i let go of your hands, will you behave?" I ask nicely. The boy nods his head. I let go of his hands, and he starts rubbing his wrists. I walked to the window and looked out.
They were here already, I counted about twenty nogguls, muscled black beasts standing on two legs with red eyes, and two arms that extend into wicked claws and long serrated teeth. They also had the ability to meld into the shadows, making them even harder to kill. But at least they were made of flesh and bone, unlike the two shing-da's, whom were composed totally of shadow, whose main aim was to seep into a living body and seize control. They stood on either side of the nesh-sheclare, one of the seven children formed out of Dumar's own body, the Shadow God, my half-brother. The nesh-sheclare stood tall on the ground, it had no feet or hands, only a head with a singular black eye in its center. I looked upon it in distaste, i knew i could best it and win, but getting the demon child to safety first was top priority. It was ordering the nogguls to search the houses, and the nogguls were fast at their job, melting into the shadows at their feet and emerging out of the shadows in front of the houses.
I turn from the window and return to the boy's side. " What's your name?", " Gildas." He mumbled.
"Well Gildas, we have to leave now." He nods in response.
We make for the door and step out into the hallway. I pull up my hood, covering my gold hair, and head for the stairs down to the first floor. The demon child keeps close behind me, knowing that I would be able to keep him safe. We walk down to the ground floor of the inn, but I steer myself to the back door, where we would be able to escape unnoticed. Creak. There was somebody at the front door, a noggul. It had finally made its way to the inn, and we had to get out of here fast. I start widening my steps as I head for the back door of the inn, behind me trails Gildas, his eyes stark with terror. Soon, the room flashes bright and hear the sound of something crackling, I look behind to see that the front door had turn black, the trap had gone off. The noggul must be reduced to a pile of ashes on the other side of the door, the dumb thing had touch the door. The door itself could only take another two more flashes of lightning before, it would turn to ash.
I could hear the nogguls clucking and snarling as they make towards the inn. We had to get out of here fast.
Breaking for the door, we rush out into the humid and foggy spring air. We start running up the wet hill, I look behind seeing that Gildas trailing behind, his red eyes wet with tears and pumped with fear, as he stumbled up the slippery slope. I wait for him, and took the chance to glance at the inn again, but making out nothing but its faint outline in the heavy fog and rain. The other side of the inn flashes again, as the crackle of lightning fades out, knowing that there would now be a couple less nogguls on our trail. I decide that most of the nogguls should be in there by then, and started shaping the sigil for lightning, I shouted it out, “ Defivin!” Not caring if I was heard or not, the air started to charge and a large bolt split the fog in two and crashed into the inn. Disintegrating every last bit of life there was in that building. I knew that i might have killed every last noggul in that house but not in the vicinity, and the nesh-sheclare would not be destroyed so easily by a bolt of lightning.
The inn was on fire, its flames leaping up into the sky, but was slowly extinguished by the continual rain. I turn my gaze to Gildas, who stands there with his mouth open, his eyes wide taking in the destruction of the building. He turns to me his mouth still open, eyes glittering in awe at the power i wielded. I arch an eyebrow at him, and turned around...
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So how did you like it? Those who read it. I think i kind of confuse between first person perspective and third person perspective around the end of the narrative. My tense is a bit weird as well, always changing between past and present tense, making it sound funny. But you did get the story right? I mean, did you get the action, and understood what was happenning? This is just a small excerpt from my book 'The Shadow War', the one that i am currently writing and should be finish, i don't know when. But was the dialect, that i used hard to understand? If you're wondering what kam means, it means magic. So for those who have read this excerpt, please give me your criticisms and tell me what i should change or improve upon. If you've notice, i didn't exactly describe the shing-da's in great detail to you, nor did i describe to you the nogguls in great detail, because it would look weird on this blog, and i'm at the end of my patience with this blog's capabilities for writing. Every time i tap the space key, or any letter, numerical or punctuation, it ends up deleting the word next to it. So i would really, really appreciate it if you give me a detailed analysis and critcism on my narrative. You can send it to me via e-mail, my e-mail address is deadnessmaster@hotmail.com . Or just place it in the commentary box. Thanks!
deadnessmaster live again at 7:49 PM